Bow tie

I wanted to disappear,
but I'll tell anyone how naive I was
instead and
hope to be forgiven.

You fall between my fingers
like a handful of sand.
Leave.

You climb a big wall of cumulus
and this time I can't follow you.
Go.

I cried my way into sleep the first night,
but not once I blamed God
for the helplessness.

Say present unreal conditionals.
Say punch in the stomach.
Say getting used to it.

I put on serenity and pink lipstick,
go over the memories you
wanted me to have.

Some days there is an old song
playing in my head.

Some days I still wish you could
see inside my lungs.