Friday, October 23, 2015


Why I can't let you go.
Why you can't love me.
Why fate keeps

bringing us together
so you can hurt me
over and over.

Why I don't fight back.
Why I repeat the same mistakes.
It's tiresome.

In another life,
when we have paid our debts,
when our souls have grown wiser,

you touch my back
with your chin,
warmth, silence.

Nothing is desperate.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

The weight of tacitness

- on how loudly I can scream your name -
twenty-five years ago
my partner standing three steps away
I learned in drama class
that every so often no one wants to scream,
but sometimes it is necessary.

In my favorite 'chick movie'
there is a girl who asks a boy to walk away for fifteen meters
so she can shout out everything she is afraid to tell
to his face.
Her 'I love you' is ultimately abducted by the wind.
The boy never hears it.

I have this recurring dream in which
you leave again and I want to stop you
but when I open my mouth
no sound comes out of it
and I wake up crying because I know
how easy it is for you to just go.

Monday, October 19, 2015

Heretofore and hereafter

I had a dream I dyed my hair in intergalactic hues
and when I woke up I laughed at myself
thinking about how it would never happen.

I owe you an apology.

I did not see you in the small things.

Yesterday was the hottest day in the city in the last 105 years,
I escaped to the mountains and the sky was so clear
I should have remembered to look for you.

Forgetfulness discredits my promises.

I am in love with a young man who
does not know how to be loved
and I can't teach him.

I tell him he matters and that I won't give him up,
and I choose to love him every new day all over again,
no matter how difficult he makes it sometimes.

I owe you an apology.

I did not see you in the small things.

"If you loved someone, you loved him, and when you had nothing else to give, you still gave him love."
― George Orwell, 1984