I wanted to disappear,
but I'll tell anyone how naive I was
hope to be forgiven.
You fall between my fingers
like a handful of sand.
You climb a big wall of cumulus
and this time I can't follow you.
I cried my way into sleep the first night,
but not once I blamed God
for the helplessness.
Say present unreal conditionals.
Say punch in the stomach.
Say getting used to it.
I put on serenity and pink lipstick,
go over the memories you
wanted me to have.
Some days there is an old song
playing in my head.
Some days I still wish you could
see inside my lungs.