That I change my heart
with the weather,
you would say of me.
Because it rains
I'm in love with a man
who can read clouds.
The sun comes out
I lock myself in the bedroom
To learn my flesh and shadow.
Though there isn't light enough,
I try and stay the closest to the truth
this is how I'd like you to remember.
In a world of copies
I could have been
whoever I wanted to
with the weather,
you would say of me.
Because it rains
I'm in love with a man
who can read clouds.
The sun comes out
I lock myself in the bedroom
To learn my flesh and shadow.
Though there isn't light enough,
I try and stay the closest to the truth
this is how I'd like you to remember.
In a world of copies
I could have been
whoever I wanted to
and I chose myself.
This you must remember.
The space you gave me to breathe
I used it to cry
because I am a woman
I can't breathe.
You drew your conclusions
from afar
afraid I was another copy
afraid if you got close enough
to touch me
you'd find me real.
What is real, T?
A head flooded with theories
on an empty bed.
But if you had stayed
for one more minute,
if you had had a second look.
Give me release. I'm tired of this world of appearances. Pigs that only look fat. Families that look happy. Give me deliverance. From what only looks like generosity. What only looks like love.
― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
That moment when we see the uniqueness.. it might take it time.. and all the posers and copies wandering the earth.. so sad when we lack the patience.. to see the real among the shadows.
ReplyDeleteI try so hard to prove I'm not a copy that at the end of the day I am exhausted of being myself to the point of wondering maybe I am wrong, maybe I should be like anyone else. Can you believe that? Can you believe I am this weak? I shouldn't be allowed into the world without supervision. :) thanks for caring enoughenough to leave a comment.
Deletewow I like the idea of being in love with a man who can read clouds!
ReplyDelete"I could have been
ReplyDeletewhoever I wanted to
and I chose myself"... wonderful. You deserve to be loved for yourself - you have a unique voice in your writing. I like it.
We have to dig so far, to get to the heart of the hearts ... so many feints and delusions, false starts and heady failures ... our trials, our labors in love somehow teach the soul something, without them it can't know itself--and who can love who cannot see what's reflected in their lover's eye? Fine poem, lovely weave.
ReplyDeleteIn a world of copies
ReplyDeleteI could have been
whoever I wanted to
and I chose myself.
You have such a keen sense of self, Kenia. I love that your poetic persona never seeks to change to suit another person's need or viewpoint.
This poem is so beautifully lit Kenia. :) I really could draw out the spark of emotion that drove this poem's story so well. It is amazing to think that this world is so full of judgmental people and stereotypes. It is these things that people see so often, and we tend to neglect what is right in front of us. You really have inspired me to write a poem similar to this idea of making conclusions before ever really knowing.
ReplyDeleteThis is a poem I coul happily read for the rest of my life. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteIt belongs in a large collection of world poetry. It has great feel to it.
your reading provides so much nuance - you read beautifully, Kenia. no one writes of heartache as do you ~
ReplyDeleteDon't you love Palahniuk? And I love the raw, openness of your poem. Living one's essence, one's truth, is not always easy.
ReplyDelete... Another reason I like aging. Every decade (every year) allows me to more comfortably slip into and stay in my own skin.
Those first two stanza's blew me away, love where you went with this.
ReplyDelete